Project ID - Interior Design Identity

So it’s been a month since I started attending my classes for interior design and I must say, I haven’t felt this giddy and nervous in a long time. I’ve always really liked first days, there’s a certain sense of anticipation and magic that hangs about the air, with the promise of possibilities. Even as a kid, I’ve always looked forward to June cause it means I’m going back to school and that means a couple things: 

• having an excuse to hoard new pens and notebooks,
• finally being able to see my friends again,
• having allowance after weeks of being penniless (YAAS), 
• and of course, going back to studying because it means I won’t be bored anymore!

Maybe I’ve always been ADHD as a child and I easily get bored. Which kind of explains why the past few weeks of being at home have been excruciatingly painful for me, which maybe I will blog about next :)

For our first project, we were asked to make and design our own name tags — simple enough, right? But since this is design school, of course a simple cardboard name tag similar to what we do in grade school just won’t cut it. (Pun intended.) Unlike past projects in school, or even presentations for work, there weren’t any strict guidelines other than that it has to be functional (it is a name tag after all) and it has to say something about ourselves. 

So here’s what I came up with: 

                                      

Since my name is a palindrome, I tried to make it a mirror image. It spells out my full name (H-A-N-N-A-H) and also folds back to reveal my nickname (H-A-N). Also, if you notice, the letters were each embellished differently. 

                                      

• The H is a banana tree because I’m Hannah Banana. (Obviously, I don’t know how to make banana tree I had to YouTube it!) 
• The A has a Toby’s coffee cup and is embellished with coffee beans because I love coffee, especially Toby’s. (I had to steal those coffee beans for Starbucks and ask Andro to help me get those empty Toby’s cups. Haha!) 
• The N has magnets from #PoetryMagnetsPH because I love words be it reading or writing. 

Although we had one week to do the project, which in corporate world IS a long time, I think it was just enough time because since there weren’t any specific directions aside from the general guidelines, I had to come up with the concept on my own, think through the design rationale and construction, and then execute via trial and error. Most times I had to re-do everything because the actual product didn't turn out the way I wanted it to be. I realise that design is really about the thought process that goes behind the concept, and the details when you bring it to life. More than showing a representation of your design idea, you must equally be able to communicate the idea and rationale behind it. Who would have thought, right? 

Project Be a BUM

Okay, okay, so I know I’ve said it so many times before that I will resurrect this old blog and start writing more, but I guess this time I’m a little bit more serious on making good on this promise, since now I have a lot of time on my hands. 

Speaking of time, after resigning from my crazy wonderful job a week ago, I suddenly find myself with more time than what I’m normally used to having and it’s starting to sink in — you know, that feeling of having too much time on your hands that you end up feeling restless because since you have just been free from your corporate slave days AND since you’re still used to the crazy pace of telco, you’ve managed to cross off all the items on your to-do list by midday;  therefore you are left with nothing else to do with the rest of the day. Wow that was one hell of a run-on sentence…let’s hope my high school English teacher never gets to read it. hehe!

Here’s a sample of my to-do list for reference: 

Clean room. Check. 

Clean closet. Check. 

Clean files. Check. 

Back up all photos on my HD. Check. 

(Yes, as you can see, I’m a very messy person. BUT HEY there is a method to my madness yo. To each his own!) 

So back to being left with nothing to do. 

What about reading a book? Check. I read Love Letters to the Dead which made me feel really sad and depressed like how Perks of Being a Wallflower made me feel. Maybe I’ll write a review on it (probably when I run out of topics to write about). What about watching movie? Check. Already watched two: The Intern and A Beautiful Mind, which is already way above my monthly average. Hmmm, what about watching some more TV? I groan inwardly as I try to decide on what else I can do. And then it dawned on me. I’m not used to this! I know I should cherish these few days of nothingness because these breaks come few and far in between. Besides, isn’t this what I so wanted before?

So I thought, why not document my struggles and write down my thoughts as I go through my days  being unemployed? Sure, writing takes more effort than snapping a meticulously placed flat-lay. And let’s be real, people aren’t even going to read the whole thing given that we all suffer from ADHD nowadays; heck, I’m surprised you even got this far. But hey, when I look back, I want to remember exactly how it felt.  

See you soon. XO 

I will never be ready for the next big jump. 

But I still choose to jump with both feet in.  And I guess so many of those moments that have shaped who I am today were results of those seemingly random decisions. 

Should I spend 4 months in a country I know nothing about, with people I barely even know? Or should I just stay home? Should I climb a mountain? Should I change jobs? 

It might not have always been comfortable, and most of the time, I do question myself and my sanity. But at the end of the day, I’m glad.  

I’m glad because despite those vulnerable moments when I’m at my weakest and feel the most helpless, I come out a little bit stronger, knowing myself a little bit better. I’m glad because I am my own person, that I was able to make those decisions by myself for myself, that I take responsibility for my actions. 

And I guess it’s only fitting that I’m writing this now, 6 years after making that decision to hop on a plane and set out on one of life’s greatest adventures. But you know what’s funny? I realized it gets harder as I get older. Fear creeps in and suddenly I find myself hesitating a little bit more than I did before. Suddenly, I start doubting myself and what I think I’m capable of.

Isn’t it that as we grow older, we’re supposed to be more logical and therefore less afraid? That we know that there is nothing to fear but fear itself? So how come we start thinking of those what-ifs that probably never crossed your mind a few years back? 

As the years add on, I don’t ever want to lose that feeling that the world is mine to conquer, that anything is possible, and that nothing is too great for me to achieve. 

May we never lose that spark and that sense of adventure. Cheers! 

I am fearfully and wonderfully made.Ps 139:14

Image taken from http://37.media.tumblr.com/63926ec3fb4ca7c4cad26b978ed31966/tumblr_nakbnoVFKb1s1rbp9o1_500.jpg

But on certain days, I feel I am not. Today is one of those days. This is not the way I imagined starting off my 2015. 

I had too much fun and too much alcohol. Too much YOLO and not enough of common sense and responsibility. I shouldn’t have overstayed my welcome and left when I said I would. Maybe then I wouldn't have drunk so much. Maybe then Mom wouldn't have been so angry. 

These are the choices that I made. And yes I was happy at that point in time. But was that momentary happiness worth it? Maybe this should've been the new benchmark in making decisions. After all, aren’t I supposed to be more mature now? 

So why then do I feel bad, ashamed even? Maybe it’s because this is not really who I am. And I know I have done something wrong. I have failed because this is not who I am. I went against who I think I am,  and honestly, harsh and pompous as it may sound, I do not feel worthy to be called a child of God. 

But regardless of what I feel, I am lucky, but most of all I am loved. 

Sometimes, it is hard to grasp that concept— of someone loving us despite our shortcomings. And I don’t think I’ve ever experienced that. But I guess this whole thing is also a blessing in a way. For  me to finally realize what it means. 

I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Ps 139:14

#PangRomansa

In honor of a friend who recently celebrated his 25th birthday, I am presenting: Q’s #MOMOL #LALANG Playlist, my very first ever attempt in putting together the Top 25 Songs that I think should be included in your rainy day-slash-emo-slash-cuddle-bed-weather playlist. 

(fyi, momol = move on move on lang. lol.)

Ours was a friendship built on a common love for chicken, zombies, and all things Mean Girls, shared pain of extra baggage, and a babaw crazy sense of humour. Cheers to more years of friendship! :)

1. Bow Chicka Wow Wow - Mike Posner ft. Lil Wayne
2. Magic - Coldplay
3. Madness - Muse
4. Beauty - Wolf Colony
5. Ignition - R. Kelly
6. Thinking About You - Frank Ocean
7. Hold On We’re Going Home - Drake 
8. Moving Closer (The Close Up Song) - Never The Strangers
9. Hearts Like Ours - The Naked and The Famous
10. Stay With Me - Sam Smith
11. You’ll Be Safe Here - Rivermaya
12. Always Love - Nada Surf
13. Tadhana - Up Dharma Down
14. Love Lost - Temper Trap
15. Midnight City - M83
16. Overjoyed - Matchbox 20
17. Stay With You - John Legend
18. When the Stars Go Blue - Ryan Adams
19. So Cold - Ben Cocks ft. Nikisha Reyes
20. Pills and Potions - Nicki Minaj
21. Sunrise - Norah Jones 
22. The Way I Am - Ingrid Michaelson
23. Wonderwall - Oasis
24. Chasing Cars - Snow Patrol
25. Stolen - Dashboard Confessional

A Different Kind of Saturday

One of my officemates, Carlos, recently celebrated his birthday. And instead of throwing a party, he decided to give back and hold several mini outreaches spread across different weekends. 

• One Million Lights - June 15
• Habitat for Humanity - June 21
• Elsie Gaches Village - July 5

I’ve actually been looking for an avenue to help out, so I signed up for one! Despite having a really long week at work, I was pleasantly surprised that I had no trouble getting out of bed. Since our meet-up point was in McDo Alabang at 7AM and since I have no idea how to get there, I decided to leave earlier than usual. Given my track record with directions, I already anticipated getting lost and allotted extra travel time. But thanks to Waze, I was able to get there without a sweat. I was even the first one there. Eager beaver much? 

After grabbing some breakfast and waiting for the others in the group, we headed across the street to Elsie Gaches Village. The group was led to the main building, where we were given a brief orientation before we officially started the day. Some brief facts about the place: 

What Elsie Gaches Village Is 

Elsie Gaches Village is the first and only government-run residential care facility that provides “care and rehabilitation services to the abandoned and neglected children with special needs (e.g. cerebral palsy, epilepsy, visual and hearing impairment, mental retardation, autism, etc.). Residents here are either those picked up by the government, referred here by a third party, or brought here by their own families who are unable to care for them. 

Our Tasks for the Day

We were assigned to 2 cottages, one for boys and one for girls. In general, we were to help them clean the surroundings, interact with them, and help feed them, if necessary. The girls were assigned to Camia, where the residents either have Down Syndrome, autism, or varying degrees of mental retardation. Although their biological age may go up to as high as 30, the mental age of the residents are only from 0-3 yrs. 

After the orientation we set off towards the cottages to begin the day. As we approached the cottages, some of the residents ran out to greet us. Although most of them can’t speak well, you can tell by their smiles that they’re happy to have visitors. Some took our hands and gave us a mano while some just hugged us in welcome. 

I didn’t know how to react. I stood frozen unable to decide whether to just approach them and interact or to hide behind and blend in with the rest of the volunteers.

I’m not gonna pretend that I was not shocked, because I am. Nor will I pretend that I was not taken aback the first time they hugged me. Because I was. The whole experience was so different from what I was used to that even though I went through a briefing, it did not prepare me at all.

And honestly, it took me a really long time to be able to put my thoughts down into words. because even now, the emotions inside are just so jumbled up. Was I sad over hearing their heartbreaking tales of abandonment and neglect and their struggle to ? Was it relief that somehow at least they’ve found a safe haven here in Elsie Gaches? Or was it confusion on how despite their disabilities, despite their longing for a family they will almost probably never have, they are able to be as they are, with smiles on their innocent faces?

Maybe a few days or weeks more, and I’ll be unable to recall their faces, but I will always remember their stories and who they are. There’s fragile Jenny, who I’m guessing would be the baby of the family. There’s Daisy, the aggressive one who lost no time in showing who’s in charge. There’s Bettina with the beautiful made up face,who reminds me of how a Spanish señorita. And then there’s Bianca and her need for constant affirmation, who tugs at you every 5 mins seeking validation. 

But then again aren’t we all like them too? Don’t we put on faces to show the world what we want to show? And maybe we don’t do it as often, but don’t we seek validation just as Bianca does? 

Maybe, just maybe, if we’re willing to look past the superficial, we’ll finally see, that them and us — we’re not so different after all. 

Top of the World: Part 2

Feb 8. The Assault

3AM. Already hard enough to get up at this ungodly hour as it is but the cold made it doubly hard to get out of the (sleeping) beds. It was even colder than the night before (around 5degC)! But we gotta do what we gotta do. Eyes on the prize! By 4AM, everyone was bundled up in bubble jackets, gloves, and scarves and was ready to go.

Group photo. Photo by Alex U.

Armed with our headlamps, trail mix, and some water, we set off and started the climb to the summit to witness the sunrise. I thought the climb to the summit would be a breeze compared the trek to the campsite since we won't be carrying anything heavy but was I wrong. As we went further up, the air began to thin and Mark and I found ourselves stopping more and more frequently the closer we got to the top. 

More than an hour in, and still no summit in sight! But there's no other way to go but up and at this point there's no turning back. With the wind whipping my face, I tried to steady my breath as I trudged on. One foot in front of the other, taking extra care to not fall off the side of the cliff. 

Somewhere farther up, someone began to call out left for assault (shorter but steeper) and right for the longer but easier way up to the summit. Since Mark was in front, and since I have zero navigational skills, I let him lead. Which turned out to be a pretty bad decision because he unwittingly chose the ASSAULT. 

Mark and I "assaulting" the summit. Photo by Mark G.

That last stretch going to the summit was painful and tiring to say the least. It was so steep, Mark and I were down on all fours. Every five steps, we literally had to sit down and take a rest because we were panting so hard. It was so exhausting that upon reaching the summit, Mark just plopped down and lied down on the grass. 

After catching our breaths, we joined the others. It was still dark and the stars from last night were still out. To feel so close to the stars, as if you could finally reach out, and cheesy as it might sound, I just have to say it because no other words can describe it as well as the next few words can…"And in that moment, I swear I felt infinite."

A couple of minutes later, a tinge of orange finally appeared on the horizon…dawn is breaking. I don't know if it was my imagination but I could've sworn that a hush fell over us. Everyone had their cameras ready as the sun made its grand entrance. 

At the Break of Dawn. Photo by Tarin T.

Breathtaking in the truest sense of the word, it was every bit as beautiful as people said it will be. And you think to yourself, how lucky it is that you are alive, to be witnessing what is nothing short of a miracle, to be part of something greater than yourself. Maybe this is what it means to be nowhere but in the present moment. To be content. To be perfectly calm and at peace. To feel truly alive.   

Panoramic Shot of the Sunrise at Pulag Summit. Photo mine.

Of course, this view deserves a photo op... of my feet. shoes. whatever.  

Thank you for taking me all the way up here! Photo mine.

And some more…

"I Go to Seek a Great Perhaps." Photo by Ivan L.

And some more…

Pulag Class of 2014. Photo by Glen C.

And some more...

Sea of Clouds. Photo by Ivan L.

After a few (possibly a few hundred photos), it was time to head back to camp to have breakfast. Even though we just passed through this path a few hours ago, everything looks so different in broad daylight. I swear I could hear the von Trapp family singing, "The hills are alive with the sooound of myooo-sic." 

Photo mine. 

A little over an hour (with no rest stops in between no less!), we made it back to camp with the oh-so-sweet smell of breakfast wafting through the air welcoming us back. It was literally the most well-deserved breakfast of sopas and hotdogs. After breakfast, it was time to pack up and break camp. But before we started the loooong trek down, of course we had to take that one last group photo together to cap off our wonderful #Pooplag experience.    

Complete "family photo. Photo by Glen C.

Everyone was in high spirits to say the least. And surprisingly, even I found that the descent was not as hard as I dreaded it would be. Less water breaks, less rest stops, more slipping and landing on my butt moments… who knows, I might be getting the hang of this? Instead of the usual 3.5 hrs, it only took 2.5hrs! And yes, I have to brag, I was no longer the sweeper and was actually one of the first batches to get to the ranger station. Achievement unlocked! 

Ranger Station: Opportunity to freshen up and fatten up before we continue our way home. 

Photo by Tarin T.

The rest of the day went by like a blur. The ride to the DENR Station+the ride to Baguio was quiet. I guess fatigue and drowsiness were catching up on people.

Before you know it, we were already in Pangasinan where we had our dinner break at Jollibee. I cannot express how happy I am to finally have one of my all-time favorites: CHICKEN JOY! not to mention to be back in civilization! (No offense meant, Pulag was all sorts of wonderful but I miss them indoor plumbing!!!)

With our tummies and hearts happily filled (with food and memories respectively), we set off on the last and longest part of the trip -- the ride from Baguio back to Manila. Drifting in and out of sleep, I was only vaguely aware as we passed by the different provinces until finally  we were already back in Manila. 

A few stopovers later, I was back home reunited with my bed, my dogs, and my beloved CR. I never realized so much can happen in a little under 12 hours. And while I was unpacking,I came to a realization that this trip, more than a test of strength, was a test of willpower, of how far you can push yourself to take one more step, when every inch of you is screaming no. Sometimes, you’ll never know just what it is you’re capable of until you’re faced with a situation that pushes you, simply because there’s no other choice. I might not be the most fit I've ever been, but to be able to survive this trip, is something that I'm truly proud of. 

Till the next adventure, 

H.

P.S. Some of the friends we were with made videos to document our trip. Links here: 

Video by Eena S.
Video by Brad P.

Video by Vagabond Pinas