#PangRomansa

In honor of a friend who recently celebrated his 25th birthday, I am presenting: Q’s #MOMOL #LALANG Playlist, my very first ever attempt in putting together the Top 25 Songs that I think should be included in your rainy day-slash-emo-slash-cuddle-bed-weather playlist. 

(fyi, momol = move on move on lang. lol.)

Ours was a friendship built on a common love for chicken, zombies, and all things Mean Girls, shared pain of extra baggage, and a babaw crazy sense of humour. Cheers to more years of friendship! :)

1. Bow Chicka Wow Wow - Mike Posner ft. Lil Wayne
2. Magic - Coldplay
3. Madness - Muse
4. Beauty - Wolf Colony
5. Ignition - R. Kelly
6. Thinking About You - Frank Ocean
7. Hold On We’re Going Home - Drake 
8. Moving Closer (The Close Up Song) - Never The Strangers
9. Hearts Like Ours - The Naked and The Famous
10. Stay With Me - Sam Smith
11. You’ll Be Safe Here - Rivermaya
12. Always Love - Nada Surf
13. Tadhana - Up Dharma Down
14. Love Lost - Temper Trap
15. Midnight City - M83
16. Overjoyed - Matchbox 20
17. Stay With You - John Legend
18. When the Stars Go Blue - Ryan Adams
19. So Cold - Ben Cocks ft. Nikisha Reyes
20. Pills and Potions - Nicki Minaj
21. Sunrise - Norah Jones 
22. The Way I Am - Ingrid Michaelson
23. Wonderwall - Oasis
24. Chasing Cars - Snow Patrol
25. Stolen - Dashboard Confessional

A Different Kind of Saturday

One of my officemates, Carlos, recently celebrated his birthday. And instead of throwing a party, he decided to give back and hold several mini outreaches spread across different weekends. 

• One Million Lights - June 15
• Habitat for Humanity - June 21
• Elsie Gaches Village - July 5

I’ve actually been looking for an avenue to help out, so I signed up for one! Despite having a really long week at work, I was pleasantly surprised that I had no trouble getting out of bed. Since our meet-up point was in McDo Alabang at 7AM and since I have no idea how to get there, I decided to leave earlier than usual. Given my track record with directions, I already anticipated getting lost and allotted extra travel time. But thanks to Waze, I was able to get there without a sweat. I was even the first one there. Eager beaver much? 

After grabbing some breakfast and waiting for the others in the group, we headed across the street to Elsie Gaches Village. The group was led to the main building, where we were given a brief orientation before we officially started the day. Some brief facts about the place: 

What Elsie Gaches Village Is 

Elsie Gaches Village is the first and only government-run residential care facility that provides “care and rehabilitation services to the abandoned and neglected children with special needs (e.g. cerebral palsy, epilepsy, visual and hearing impairment, mental retardation, autism, etc.). Residents here are either those picked up by the government, referred here by a third party, or brought here by their own families who are unable to care for them. 

Our Tasks for the Day

We were assigned to 2 cottages, one for boys and one for girls. In general, we were to help them clean the surroundings, interact with them, and help feed them, if necessary. The girls were assigned to Camia, where the residents either have Down Syndrome, autism, or varying degrees of mental retardation. Although their biological age may go up to as high as 30, the mental age of the residents are only from 0-3 yrs. 

After the orientation we set off towards the cottages to begin the day. As we approached the cottages, some of the residents ran out to greet us. Although most of them can’t speak well, you can tell by their smiles that they’re happy to have visitors. Some took our hands and gave us a mano while some just hugged us in welcome. 

I didn’t know how to react. I stood frozen unable to decide whether to just approach them and interact or to hide behind and blend in with the rest of the volunteers.

I’m not gonna pretend that I was not shocked, because I am. Nor will I pretend that I was not taken aback the first time they hugged me. Because I was. The whole experience was so different from what I was used to that even though I went through a briefing, it did not prepare me at all.

And honestly, it took me a really long time to be able to put my thoughts down into words. because even now, the emotions inside are just so jumbled up. Was I sad over hearing their heartbreaking tales of abandonment and neglect and their struggle to ? Was it relief that somehow at least they’ve found a safe haven here in Elsie Gaches? Or was it confusion on how despite their disabilities, despite their longing for a family they will almost probably never have, they are able to be as they are, with smiles on their innocent faces?

Maybe a few days or weeks more, and I’ll be unable to recall their faces, but I will always remember their stories and who they are. There’s fragile Jenny, who I’m guessing would be the baby of the family. There’s Daisy, the aggressive one who lost no time in showing who’s in charge. There’s Bettina with the beautiful made up face,who reminds me of how a Spanish señorita. And then there’s Bianca and her need for constant affirmation, who tugs at you every 5 mins seeking validation. 

But then again aren’t we all like them too? Don’t we put on faces to show the world what we want to show? And maybe we don’t do it as often, but don’t we seek validation just as Bianca does? 

Maybe, just maybe, if we’re willing to look past the superficial, we’ll finally see, that them and us — we’re not so different after all. 

Top of the World: Part 2

Feb 8. The Assault

3AM. Already hard enough to get up at this ungodly hour as it is but the cold made it doubly hard to get out of the (sleeping) beds. It was even colder than the night before (around 5degC)! But we gotta do what we gotta do. Eyes on the prize! By 4AM, everyone was bundled up in bubble jackets, gloves, and scarves and was ready to go.

Group photo. Photo by Alex U.

Armed with our headlamps, trail mix, and some water, we set off and started the climb to the summit to witness the sunrise. I thought the climb to the summit would be a breeze compared the trek to the campsite since we won't be carrying anything heavy but was I wrong. As we went further up, the air began to thin and Mark and I found ourselves stopping more and more frequently the closer we got to the top. 

More than an hour in, and still no summit in sight! But there's no other way to go but up and at this point there's no turning back. With the wind whipping my face, I tried to steady my breath as I trudged on. One foot in front of the other, taking extra care to not fall off the side of the cliff. 

Somewhere farther up, someone began to call out left for assault (shorter but steeper) and right for the longer but easier way up to the summit. Since Mark was in front, and since I have zero navigational skills, I let him lead. Which turned out to be a pretty bad decision because he unwittingly chose the ASSAULT. 

Mark and I "assaulting" the summit. Photo by Mark G.

That last stretch going to the summit was painful and tiring to say the least. It was so steep, Mark and I were down on all fours. Every five steps, we literally had to sit down and take a rest because we were panting so hard. It was so exhausting that upon reaching the summit, Mark just plopped down and lied down on the grass. 

After catching our breaths, we joined the others. It was still dark and the stars from last night were still out. To feel so close to the stars, as if you could finally reach out, and cheesy as it might sound, I just have to say it because no other words can describe it as well as the next few words can…"And in that moment, I swear I felt infinite."

A couple of minutes later, a tinge of orange finally appeared on the horizon…dawn is breaking. I don't know if it was my imagination but I could've sworn that a hush fell over us. Everyone had their cameras ready as the sun made its grand entrance. 

At the Break of Dawn. Photo by Tarin T.

Breathtaking in the truest sense of the word, it was every bit as beautiful as people said it will be. And you think to yourself, how lucky it is that you are alive, to be witnessing what is nothing short of a miracle, to be part of something greater than yourself. Maybe this is what it means to be nowhere but in the present moment. To be content. To be perfectly calm and at peace. To feel truly alive.   

Panoramic Shot of the Sunrise at Pulag Summit. Photo mine.

Of course, this view deserves a photo op... of my feet. shoes. whatever.  

Thank you for taking me all the way up here! Photo mine.

And some more…

"I Go to Seek a Great Perhaps." Photo by Ivan L.

And some more…

Pulag Class of 2014. Photo by Glen C.

And some more...

Sea of Clouds. Photo by Ivan L.

After a few (possibly a few hundred photos), it was time to head back to camp to have breakfast. Even though we just passed through this path a few hours ago, everything looks so different in broad daylight. I swear I could hear the von Trapp family singing, "The hills are alive with the sooound of myooo-sic." 

Photo mine. 

A little over an hour (with no rest stops in between no less!), we made it back to camp with the oh-so-sweet smell of breakfast wafting through the air welcoming us back. It was literally the most well-deserved breakfast of sopas and hotdogs. After breakfast, it was time to pack up and break camp. But before we started the loooong trek down, of course we had to take that one last group photo together to cap off our wonderful #Pooplag experience.    

Complete "family photo. Photo by Glen C.

Everyone was in high spirits to say the least. And surprisingly, even I found that the descent was not as hard as I dreaded it would be. Less water breaks, less rest stops, more slipping and landing on my butt moments… who knows, I might be getting the hang of this? Instead of the usual 3.5 hrs, it only took 2.5hrs! And yes, I have to brag, I was no longer the sweeper and was actually one of the first batches to get to the ranger station. Achievement unlocked! 

Ranger Station: Opportunity to freshen up and fatten up before we continue our way home. 

Photo by Tarin T.

The rest of the day went by like a blur. The ride to the DENR Station+the ride to Baguio was quiet. I guess fatigue and drowsiness were catching up on people.

Before you know it, we were already in Pangasinan where we had our dinner break at Jollibee. I cannot express how happy I am to finally have one of my all-time favorites: CHICKEN JOY! not to mention to be back in civilization! (No offense meant, Pulag was all sorts of wonderful but I miss them indoor plumbing!!!)

With our tummies and hearts happily filled (with food and memories respectively), we set off on the last and longest part of the trip -- the ride from Baguio back to Manila. Drifting in and out of sleep, I was only vaguely aware as we passed by the different provinces until finally  we were already back in Manila. 

A few stopovers later, I was back home reunited with my bed, my dogs, and my beloved CR. I never realized so much can happen in a little under 12 hours. And while I was unpacking,I came to a realization that this trip, more than a test of strength, was a test of willpower, of how far you can push yourself to take one more step, when every inch of you is screaming no. Sometimes, you’ll never know just what it is you’re capable of until you’re faced with a situation that pushes you, simply because there’s no other choice. I might not be the most fit I've ever been, but to be able to survive this trip, is something that I'm truly proud of. 

Till the next adventure, 

H.

P.S. Some of the friends we were with made videos to document our trip. Links here: 

Video by Eena S.
Video by Brad P.

Video by Vagabond Pinas

Top of The World - Part 1

(Decided this would too long for one entry, so decided to post in 2 installments :) Also, since I wasn't able to bring a camera, most of the pictures here were taken by my friends.Tried to be as accurate as possible in citing. Let me know if you'd want to get in touch with them. Thank you!)

At the beginning of the year, I vowed to myself that this year will be a year of many firsts. To travel and to explore. To seek new adventures. To chase down things that both thrill and scare me. To say yes to being truly alive. I was inspired to take on the new year, and to take on the world too, for that matter. I was bitten by the travel bug, and the familiar has become too bland, too boring, and too dreary. 

So when a friend asked me if I wanted to climb Pulag, I immediately said yes. Never mind that I had no physical training whatsoever. Never mind that I know absolutely nothing about hiking. Or about surviving in the wild. All I could think about was the thrill of endless possibilities and a new adventure. 

Taken from Pinterest (http://media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/originals/dc/dc/0a/dcdc0adcac576179d0ff2175c0dcbd3f.jpg)

Feb 7. The Day Has Come

A few hours before the trip, I found out that there had been a bus accident that morning that left more than a dozen people dead and even more people injured. (God bless their souls.) Which left me really anxious and apprehensive. But I still decided to push through with the trip. So after taking a shower in Kath’s condo, I met up with Mark and had dinner with Steph in Elias before heading off to El Pueblo where Mark and I were supposed to meet up with the rest of the group.

Although I knew a lot of the people in the group, I was still a bit apprehensive. Of all the times, my usual friendly self had to choose that particular moment to hide. Good job. Or maybe I was too anxious and preoccupied. After settling a few last minute things, we were finally able to leave Ortigas at around 10PM. I guess it was more convenient that our group decided to rent vans instead of taking the bus to Baguio. At least we had privacy even if I wasn’t really able to sleep much on the 6 hr ride to Baguio. Around 4AM we arrived at the Victory Liner Station to Baguio where we were to transfer to our jeeps.

Photo by Alex U.

(Yes I gave in to the Strawberry Taho. I asked Manong to lessen the syrup. Yummy in my tummy for only Php30!)

Angelee and I enjoying our warm cups of Strawberry Taho. Photo mine.

After 1.5 hrs of winding roads, we had a stop-over at Country Road to have breakfast. I had Purple Rice + Adobo + Banna. Since it was too early in the morning, I wasn’t able to eat much. L

After filling our tummies, we headed off for another 1.5 hr drive to the DENR Station for a briefing about the do’s and don’ts inside the park. (The only upside to that 1.5 hr drive.)

View from our jeep. Photo mine.

After the short introduction, it’s off to the Ranger Station where we will begin our trek. (Not getting a porter: one of the proudest decisions I made in my life. More on this later.)

My friend Mark and I taking some pictures while waiting for the others to get ready. Photo by Alex U.

And so with only my backpack filled with bare essentials and a little courage and determination in my back pocket, I set off and began the three-hour trek up the mountain. Within the first 10 minutes I was already running out of breath. I was seriously rethinking my decision not to hire a porter. But I was too stubborn and to proud to take the easy way out.

Photo by Rachel L.

Every so often, we’d meet people on their way down from the campsite and they would always say encouraging words, that the view was amazing, it made the climb worth it, that we were already close to the campsite, etc. Well if I were to guess, it was more probably because we looked like this!

Are we there yet? Photo by Alex U. 

I did not know how I made it, but I did it! Even though I was one of the last to make it to the campsite, the feeling of relief and exhilaration is just beyond words.

Looks like we made it. Photo by Ivan L.

Most of us were too tired and opted to nap inside our tents while our guides from Vagabond Pinas prepared our lunch.

Trying to annoy Mark G. while he naps. Or eats. Photo mine.

After lunch, some started “unpacking.” And since we have nothing on our itinerary, we decided to explore the surrounding areas. And yes this meant taking more pictures!!!

Goofing around with Kem L. our resident mow-del. Photo mine. 

Since it was getting a bit dark already, we decided to go back to the campsite. Because we were bored… we played charades! HAHA and even a round of Riff-Off ala Pitch Perfect.

Before you know it, it was time for dinner. If there’s dinner by candlelight, there’s dinner by headlamplight and there’s dinner by starlight/moonlight. Even though the fare was simple, eating while standing, eating while squatting/sitting on the ground, it was quite an experience altogether. Nothing beats holding hot steamy bowls of food while huddled close to each other under the light of the stars.

Dinner is served. Photo by Alex U. 

By this time, the temperature had already dropped; nevertheless, we decided to go stargazing. It was such an amazing experience that even now, almost a month later, I still find it difficult to find the right words to describe it. The first few moments that you gaze up the stars,your mind goes completely blank for a few seconds. And then comes awe. And then peace. And in that moment, nothing else matters than being in the here and the now. As you marvel at the thousands of stars that dot the sky, you feel an absolute sense of calm, that somehow you feel that everything is all right in the world. That tonight, everything is exactly where it should be. 

Under the Stars. Photo by Ivan L. 

(to be continued...)

Hey Parker

We choose to deal with our pain a certain way.  No one can judge us for that. And if other people don't understand, it's okay. Sometimes, we don't even want sympathy or empathy. Sometimes, what we truly want is to be left alone. Yes, even in our grief, we find space to be selfish. 

There is no escaping the disease. Yes that is 100% true. Slowly but surely, it will run its course. Oh how I wish it won't, but even now, I can already see the stark difference. It's not just the physical deterioration, but it's also how it has already started scraping away at your soul. And how it has been chipping away at your resolve. 

More than just robbing you of your health, the disease has started robbing you of the quiet dignity of growing old. It is an uncomfortable humiliation that no one should ever have to face. During those last few years, what do you cling to? Ideals? Or perhaps your identity? Most of it has already gone and you are left but a shell. It has already stripped you bare of everything that you were, and the person you used to be now only live in the memories of your loved ones, and of the people who knew you. 

Realizing this fact alone is enough to make a grown man break down. To see something happening before your eyes yet remaining powerless to do anything. What can I do? I see the panic-stricken eyes that spell out fear more loudly than you can ever shout. No, you will never be able to shout. I feel the urgency in whatever weak grasp you have on my arm. I sense the frustration as you garbles out unintelligible words trying to get yourself to be understood. Everything's just become a cruel game of charades. A game that we can keep trying to play, but which we're sure to lose.  It's hard to believe that the person I once knew is underneath all that. 

It breaks my heart to see you smile, only because I know it doesn’t do justice to how you used to be. And every moment that you’re happy is tinged with sadness, because even though I know I shouldn’t, I can’t help but think how many of those we will have left. 

Yes, there is no escaping the disease. But there is also no escaping the love. I see it in the little adjustments we make to make sure we spend the holidays together as a family. I see it in the effort Mama puts to make sure you are prepared and informed to make the decision, however difficult it may be. I see it in Brandon in the way he comes up to you and kisses you on the cheek. 

But most of all, I see it in the way A-kim never fails to attend to you, to make sure that you are well-fed, that you are comfortable, and that you are given only the best. I'm sure she never saw this coming when she married you almost 50 years ago. Ever since your sickness started, the world as she knew it was obliterated and her whole world has suddenly started revolving solely around you. I cannot even begin to imagine how hard it must be for he to be the strong one in the relationship and how emotionally taxing it is to walk by your side on this journey. Yet she shows no signs of anger, nor does she complain about how unfair this situation is for her. She might have made a few misinformed choices and I might not necessarily agree with all her decisions, but I'm sure her intentions are pure. Wanting what's best for you every step of the way, I see her love expressed in the things she does for you, big and small.  

 

It may be an imperfect kind of love, imperfect, but love nonetheless. 

"Your love never fails. It never gives up. It never runs out on me."

14 for 2014: Resolutions

I know I've said that I want to write more often countless times before, and most of the times, somehow before the first quarter of the year is over I end up not writing at all. But I guess, the important thing is that I keep trying? :) 

2013 has been all kinds of wonderful--from the people I've met, to old friends, to new old friends. 

Photos (Clockwise): 1. Coron 2013 (Denise Q.) 2. Coron 2013 (Denise Q.) 3. CGPG Christmas (Rica Y.)

To new places I've had the chance to explore, and to old places I keep coming back to. 

Thailand August 2013 (Rica Y.)

To new things and to new hobbies. 

First photowalk ever (Alex U.)

To renewed passion and faith.

#WOWMNL #TBSPreppyChristmas (Louie Y.)

To family.

Macau December 2013 (Zelle T.)

To everyone and everything who's been a part of my 2013, thank you. 

Hello 2014, I think we're gonna be the best of friends. 

This year, I tried to do things a bit differently. For the first time, I have actually made and written down resolutions.Yay me! So here it is without further ado, my 14 (Resolutions) for 2014!

FAITH: To strengthen and to keep the faith in times of sorrow and despair, and also in times of peace and prosperity. 

• Spend QT religiously. (Pun intended, HAHA!)
• Complete a fast. (for the right reasons)
• Attend Simbang Gabi.
• Learn to listen and wait. Trust in His plan and be patient. Stop insisting to do things your own way. His way is infinitely better

HAPPINESS: To pursue whatever catches my fancy, whatever makes me happy, to live in each and every moment fully

• Try as many new things as I can. (It can be something as mundane as trying a new restaurant, or something more adventurous like climbing a mountain.)
• This year, I will learn how to swim
• Travel and explore. (Enough said.)
• Write regularly. Revive the blog and post at least once a month. (With the many trips I'll be taking this year, I don't think I'll run out of things to write about. Oh well, there goes that excuse.)

LIFE: To start living a life I can be proud of, to start taking baby steps to becoming the best person I can be.

• Be more generous--with time, gifts, words, and gestures, even when there's no reason to be. 
• "Run in the direction of your fear." Or at least stop and consider before fully saying no and taking off in the opposite direction when confronted with something that scares me
• To not let work be the end-all and be-all of my life. My work does not define me. Repeat 1000x until internalized.
• Save money. 
• Appreciate the small things. Take time to always be grateful for the life I've been given. (Blessed.)
• Fix the resume. Stop procrastinating
• BONUS: Get a favorable evaluation and a promotion. 

So there you have it, my first ever resolution list. Here's to friends and family helping me to kill it! 

Till the next adventure, 

H.